By Jim Raykie
Many readers think of an obit as the details of a person’s death. Since journalism school, I’ve always appreciated the importance of an obituary, and have always viewed it as a story of a person’s life, not the other way around.
As a story of a person’s life — a mini-biography in many ways — an obit more importantly provides a lasting, permanent summary of a person. It often provides details that we didn’t know, no matter how long we have known a friend and, in some cases, a family member.
This came to the forefront after I wrote last week’s column about the unexpected death of friend Tom Hemsing. I received a great deal of e-mail, most from Tom’s many friends, including Christ Hodges, Bill Maykowski, Frank Matune and a host of others.
Some of them said that Tom, who had no service because that was his wish, didn’t want an obit as well. But members of his family put together the basics anyway and had it printed in The Herald.
Knowing that, Tom’s probably mad that I wrote about him, but I’m glad that I did, because it provided a little insight into his personality and his character. More importantly, it gave his friends a chance to respond with their own memories.
My friend and neighbor, Bob Curtis, was one of Tom’s good friends. They played on the same team in the Muscarella’s Golf League, and Bob was in Myrtle Beach at the time of Tom’s death. I saw Bob Sunday afternoon, still shaken by the loss of his friend, but happy that he has a keepsake from Tom — a 30-degree wood that Tom gave him after our banquet last September.
“He told me to take it and try it out ... it makes me feel bad on one hand,” Bob said. “But on the other, I have a keepsake from him that I’ll always remember.”
Bill Maykowski of Madison, Ohio, was Tom’s longtime friend. He wrote me a heartfelt e-mail, part of which reads as follows: “I want to express my appreciation to you for the article today regarding the death of my closest friend Tom Hemsing ... Tom and I met as classmates at Sharpsville Middle School during our freshman years. He had just moved up from Pittsburgh. We were both athletes at Sharpsville for the next few years, until he moved again and graduated from Fairview High School.
“After high school, Tom and I continued with our friendship. We played thousands of games of handball and tennis during the next 25-30 years, until I moved out of the valley. I do not live far from the valley and therefore can get to Pennsylvania in a relatively short time to get together with friends.
“Tom and I would frequently get together to golf. I had a 12:05 p.m. tee time set up for us at Akron Firestone for this past Saturday (Nov. 7). He sent me an e-mail around 3 p.m. Thursday (Nov. 5) telling me that he would meet me at 11 a.m. and he was excited and ready to take on the course. Obviously, we never got to tee it up one more time. As my wife said to me: ‘at 3 p.m. an e-mail to Bill, at 6 p.m. handball at the club, and at 7 p.m. in the hands of God.’
“I have such a void in my life with his passing and I will miss him tremendously. I spent much of the day with his sister Pam and the kids, Erik and Carrie, and his ex-wife, Carol. We cried and we laughed and Tom will always be remembered for the latter. Thanks for publicly sharing your memories of Tom.”
And another from Michael Wright of Farrell: “I really enjoyed your article on Monday. As I get older I think about death in a different light. I was deeply touched by what you wrote about your father. I felt the pain when my dad died and most recently my mom passed away. Some days I find myself still trying to call them on the phone. We take for granted that we will see someone again never giving any thought about tomorrow. Tomorrow is not promised to any of us ...”
The editor's e-mail bag
Darrell Grim of Hermitage e-mailed a heart-warming story with a good ending, unlike so many that we read every day: “On Monday, Nov. 2, I was at Game Stop near Walmart. Upon leaving the store, my cell phone apparently fell from my pocket. About an hour after I got home, my wife received a call on her cell phone, which she then brought to me. A man on the other end said he had found my phone and just kept pressing the send button until he got someone who answered. He suggested a meeting place to get the phone and I agreed.
“When I arrived there were three young men in the car. The one who found the phone had a first name of Adam. I can’t remember his last name, but I believe it was Smith or Young. These young people could have used my phone to make a lot of calls and have me pay for them. They chose instead to do the right thing and return it to me. This incident encourages my faith in the young people of our society. Some of them do have some integrity and principles. So, Adam and your friends, if you read this, I say God bless you for your honesty and integrity.”
Jim Raykie is the editor of The Herald and his column appears on Mondays. His e-mail is jraykie@sharonherald.com
